Stoicism: Seneca, Epictetus, & Pregnant women in cars

Hey friends,

This week, I’ve been pondering the divide between the real and the imaginary. It all started when I happened upon the philosophy of the Stoics on my Instagram feed. I had heard of Stoicism with a capital S previously, but hadn’t given it much thought. The idea of enduring pain sans expressing emotion just didn’t seem all that appealing, ya feel?

But, Stoicism as a philosophy isn’t about resigning to life’s punches or bottling up emotions. Rather, it focuses on cultivating the internal strength you need to roll with these punches, adapting yourself to circumstances to lessen the impact of the blows. It’s sort of like Tai Chi—your strength is derived from your opponent’s momentum. Instead of stubbornly combatting challenges, you engage with them and adapt your mindset accordingly.

It’s also essential to identify who your opponent actually is. This will allow you to pinpoint the source of discomfort or pain or suffering or fear—or whatever you’re feeling—which is the first step to resolution. Do you even have an opponent, or are you just shadowboxing? Are the blows you’re facing real or imagined?

💭 Quotes of the Week

Your mind is more powerful than you give it credit for. When we’re dreading an event—let’s say, public speaking—it is often the build-up that causes us the most discomfort. The replaying of scenarios-gone-wrong in our imagination causes more fear than the actual act of stepping up to the podium to speak. Afterwards, we think: “It wasn’t all that bad! I shouldn’t have worried so much about it.”

There is so much uncertainty in what the future holds and in how others may react. The time we spend trying to guess at these things is often better spent on things within our control. Becoming comfortable with this discomfort and acknowledging the difference between what is and isn’t in our control will save us a lot of headache.

Much of what holds us back originates in our own minds. Realizing this has made me more aware of what I can do to stop being bothered by things that don’t actually matter.

We often think that our troubles come from external sources—what so-and-so did made me feel that way, or what XYZ said caused me to do what I did. But, harboring this mindset not only deflects the blame onto other parties, it takes away our agency and makes us feel like we don’t have control over how we react. This feeling of helplessness fills us with negative emotions.

The same applies to our perception of people’s intentions.

When I was a little girl riding in my mother’s car, I would always try to guess the stories of the people driving around us. Inevitably, there would be a car that would zoom back and forth between lanes, cutting people off with no regard for proper driving etiquette. In my mind, these people all had the same story: there was a pregnant woman in their car who was actively going into labor. The driver had no choice but to seek medical attention as fast as possible. This was, of course, a highly unlikely scenario, and thinking in this way didn’t change what actually happened—the drivers were still cutting people off rudely—but it did change how we felt about it.

The situation turned from a nuisance into a game of imagination. Where were they driving from? Was it just like in the movies? Did the pregnant woman’s water break in the most inconvenient of places? Did the entire family stuff themselves in the car to rush to the nearest hospital?

Giving someone the benefit of the doubt doesn’t make what the person did right, but it can make you feel better about it. It is often our perception of people’s intentions—rather than their actual intentions—that causes us to feel some sort of way. Realizing this gives us the power to reshape our own mindsets. I’ve found that approaching life this way has made me more content and appreciative.

🍔 Food for Thought

Here are some questions to ask ourselves when faced with life’s challenges:

1. Does [insert obstacle here] detract from my life, or is it my state of worrying that is doing more damage?

2. How do I really feel about XYZ? Name the emotion.

3. How much does XYZ matter in the long run?

4. Will worrying about XYZ bring about any changes? If so, what changes? If not, how can I adapt my mindset to become more satisfied?

5. What tangible actions can I take to prepare for similar challenges in the future?

Taking a few seconds to contemplate these questions before acting can help us make more measured, levelheaded decisions.

🎥 Latest Uploads

I can’t believe it’s already the end of the semester… and 2021 as a whole! If you need some extra motivation or companionship, join me below. This time, we have some relaxing lofi beats to help set the mood for a cozy study session.

🎙️ Latest on the Pod

It blows my mind that in less than a year, we’re already on Episode 23 of the Open Mic Podcast!! Funnily enough, in the video above ⬆️, I was actually editing the video below ⬇️. Quite meta, don’t ya think?

Katy Brennan is the guest of this episode and has an inspiring story to share about her experiences with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome and disability rights advocacy. Watch below, or tune in on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or Google Podcasts!

I hope you enjoyed this issue. As always, cheers to being inbox buddies!

❤️ Caroline

P.S. If you have any feedback/comments for me, please reply to this email or contact me on my website: carolinechen.me. I’m always happy to hear your thoughts on content, what you find useful, and what can be improved with some “re-thinking.” :D